


Swish and Flick in the Broom Closet

by knees_of_bees



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody, Satire, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28939614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knees_of_bees/pseuds/knees_of_bees
Summary: He then poked at Draco’s butt with his giant, two-inch-or-greater cockadoodledoo and wiggled it around a little bit. “Say ahhh!” he said to Draco’s butt. His grub slid in. “Got ‘em!” exclaimed Harry.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	Swish and Flick in the Broom Closet

Harry pulled out his you-know-what and waggled his eyebrows at Draco. “Whaddaya think, D-man? You down for a little swish and flick?”

Draco gasped. He had never seen anything so big; it was at least two inches. 

They were in a broom closet at Warthogs. This last fight had been particularly homoerotic, and all the tension built up over years of being at each other’s throats had led them here. It seems that tension would soon be released. 

“I want to pleasure you,” breathed Draco.

“Frickin’ bet,” said Harry. 

Draco knelt down before Harry and leaned in. Delicately, he rubbed his nose against Harry’s khram. It was softish, like a large worm. 

Draco watched as it swelled up and rose straight into the air as if it were a deformed sunflower reaching for the sun. He then licked the tip like it was one of those lollipops from the bank. A bank lollipop. To fully please his lover, he would need more than just his tongue, so he lifted his finger and poked at it.

Draco pulled it like a lever, and Harry moaned. He brought it into his mouth and chewed it lightly.

“That feels so good,” said Harry, so Draco munched harder. It tasted like sour sausage. “Oh! Oh! Now you, let me do you.” Harry pulled his little smokey out of Draco’s mouth. It fell with a wet plap against his legs, and he placed his hands on Draco’s arms, lifting him until pale blue eyes met green. 

“It’s time,” said Harry lowly. “Which hole?”

“One of them,” said Draco. 

“Well, I don’t think I can fit my massive twinkie in the pee hole. There are the others, of course. You know, the one that’s like, kinda big, and the one in the middle, and that other one. Let’s just put it in the anoos hole.”

Draco whimpered. “I need you inside me.”

“Say no more,” hissed Harry.

Draco pulled down his trousers, turned around, and crouched down a little bit. Harry’s thing stuck up in the air again with the flip of a lightswitch. “We’ll need some lubricant,” he said, so he retched into his hands until he had a puddle of spit and smeared that on Draco’s ass cheeks. 

He then poked at Draco’s butt with his giant, two-inch-or-greater cockadoodledoo and wiggled it around a little bit. “Say ahhh!” he said to Draco’s butt. His grub slid in. “Got ‘em!” exclaimed Harry.

“Oh!” moaned Draco. “Yes! Take me!”

Harry moved his hips like he was doin’ a lil’ dance. 

“Oh!” moaned Harry. “I’m so close!” He could feel the juices in his peen swirling around with anticipation. They wanted out. His sea slug swelled some more, filling up with luminescent goop until it couldn’t hold it anymore. Then an explosion occurred in Draco’s rear end. 

Slime shot up into Draco’s body. Draco felt the sweet substance enter his bloodstream, and it filled him with ecstasy. 

“I’m almost done,” said Harry, whose hot dog was still spraying like a garden hose. Finally, it slowed to a trickle, and he yanked the bratwurst, which was suddenly very limp and soft, out of one of Draco’s holes. It shriveled up like a raisin.

“Wait!” screamed Draco, “me too! I can feel it!”

“It’s okay,” reassured Harry, “you got this, just PUUUSSSHHH!”

Draco’s was kind of like a pencil, skinny and long, which matched his sharp personality. It was 2 feet long. It throbbed so intently that Harry could feel the bass through the floorboards. 

“Let me help,” said Harry, and he swatted at it lightly with his hand. When that didn’t work, he started slapping it.

“Harder,” groaned Draco like he was taking a fat poo, which he sort of was. You really have to push. 

Harry grabbed it and started moving it around in a circle. That did the trick.

A jet of thick, pale liquid with little sperm tadpoles in it like tapioca pudding shot straight from Draco’s groin pinky and Harry caught it midair in his hands. He lifted it to his lips and sipped at it daintily. 

“Yum!” he exclaimed. “Pumpkin! Did you have some of that pumpkin bread for breakfast?” He swilled it around in his hands like a fine wine and smelt it. “Mmmmm, condensed milk.”

Suddenly, it began to move like a deep sea creature. Harry gasped.

“It’s the sperm!” said Draco. “They like you!”

They concluded by giving each other a quick peck on the lips.

“Good job!” said Harry.

“Teamwork makes the dream work!” chirped Draco.

They left the broom closet a sweet, sweet mess, the walls dripping with their love.

**Author's Note:**

> As a lesbian, I think I’ve got a pretty good grasp on male anatomy.


End file.
